Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Bay factoid
Contrary to what many may think, Floyd Bennett Field was not always a military facility. It was opened in 1931 as New York City’s first municipal air field. During the ‘30s, Amelia Earhart, Howard Hughes, and Wiley Post used the field in their record-breaking flights. It wasn’t until 1941 that the field became a Navy air station. Today the field -- named in honor of the aviator who flew with Richard Byrd on 1926 over the North Pole for the first time – is part of the National Park Service.
City airs special programs for niños
The city has launched a new series of Spanish-language educational TV for children.
Mayor Bloomberg, Katherine Oliver, acting president of the NYC Media Group, and “V-me” CEO and President Carmen DiRienzo announced the launching of NYC TV Kids Presents V-me Niños, to be seen from 7:30 to 10 a.m. Monday through Friday on NYC Channel 25.
The content is provided through the city’s partnership with V-me, a national Spanish-language network developed with WNET.ORG, parent of public television stations THIRTEEN and WLIW21
“NYC TV’s airing of this new content brings into focus our continuing efforts to deliver educational and entertaining programming that everyone can enjoy,” said Oliver.
V-me Niños is part of the new NYC TV kids block that includes both animated and live action programming for children 2 to 7 years old.
The V-me Niños schedule includes:
• “Plaza Sésamo” – The Latin American version of “Sesame Street” teaches pre-schoolers, with animation, music and more.
• “LazyTown” – The award-wining international program devoted to kids’ health inspires young viewers to move, play and eat healthy though movement, music, comedy and storytelling in a colorful, high-energy world.
• “ Five Minutes More”/”Cinco Minutos Más” – Innovative shorts promote literacy, story-telling and reading aloud to children, featuring characters from Jim Henson.
• “Pororo” – A curious penguin and his adorable animal friends don’t always agree, but they learn to solve problems, make choices, and help each other when it matters.
• “The Baby Triplets”/ “Las Tres Mellizas Bebés” – Spain’s famous mischievous Baby Triplets combine play with language skills and social development.
• “Bruno & the Banana Bunch”/”Bruno y los Banana Amigos” – A fun-loving monkey’s games and stories teach numbers, colors, shapes, and life lessons.
• “Boowa & Kwala” – A lively dog and a feisty koala bear mix musical antics with gentle humor and a fondness for learning.
4 nabbed in ‘tremendous’ bank fraud
Four Brooklyn men, including a lawyer and a financial advisor, have been arrested on bank-fraud charges for allegedly claiming falsely that their ATM cards were used without their permission and then getting reimbursed by the bank.
The four were charged with stealing $422,000 over five years, by telling various banks that their ATM cards had been lost or stolen, after they emptied their accounts with the same ATM cards, Brooklyn District Attorney Charles Hynes announced.
“These defendants corrupted a law created to help fraud victims and used it to facilitate a tremendous fraud,” said Hynes.
The indictment charges that the Eric Manganelli, 36; Lam Dang, 37; John Tluczek, 37; and Marzena Tluczek, 35; made false claims to more than 20 banks that unauthorized transactions were made on their accounts, totaling more than $700,000. The defendants then demanded reimbursement from the banks, which paid them more than $422,000, according to the indictment.
Prosecutors say the men opened accounts and padded them with large deposits, over the course of several months. Later, the indictment charges, they drained the accounts, with withdrawals of $500 to $1,000 per day. Once the accounts were empty, the defendants would contact the bank and say their ATM cards had been stolen or lost and that the withdrawals were unauthorized, the DA said. After the banks reimbursed the “stolen” money, the defendants would close the accounts, according to the indictment.
Occasionally, large purchases were made, instead of withdrawals, but in those cases too, the cards were later reported stolen, Hynes said.
In most cases, surveillance photos show the withdrawals made by people dressed in pants, jackets, and motorcycle helmets – even in the middle of the day in July – but in other cases the faces of the people taking out the cash were obscured in other ways, such as in hoods or covered by masks.
The banking law the defendants are charged with exploiting, known as Regulation E of the Federal Electronic Funds Transfer Act, requires banks to reimburse fraud victims within 10 days of their reporting the fraud. After the stolen money has been reimbursed, the banks investigate the validity of the claim, but in this case, the defendants withdrew the reimbursed funds before the banks could finish their investigations, prosecutors said.
Manganelli is a lawyer, Marzena and John Tluczek have both worked at various banks, and Dang is currently employed as a financial advisor. All four are charged with using their knowledge of the law and the financial industry to further the fraud.
The investigation is continuing and more arrests are possible, Hynes said.
Mayor Bloomberg, Katherine Oliver, acting president of the NYC Media Group, and “V-me” CEO and President Carmen DiRienzo announced the launching of NYC TV Kids Presents V-me Niños, to be seen from 7:30 to 10 a.m. Monday through Friday on NYC Channel 25.
The content is provided through the city’s partnership with V-me, a national Spanish-language network developed with WNET.ORG, parent of public television stations THIRTEEN and WLIW21
“NYC TV’s airing of this new content brings into focus our continuing efforts to deliver educational and entertaining programming that everyone can enjoy,” said Oliver.
V-me Niños is part of the new NYC TV kids block that includes both animated and live action programming for children 2 to 7 years old.
The V-me Niños schedule includes:
• “Plaza Sésamo” – The Latin American version of “Sesame Street” teaches pre-schoolers, with animation, music and more.
• “LazyTown” – The award-wining international program devoted to kids’ health inspires young viewers to move, play and eat healthy though movement, music, comedy and storytelling in a colorful, high-energy world.
• “ Five Minutes More”/”Cinco Minutos Más” – Innovative shorts promote literacy, story-telling and reading aloud to children, featuring characters from Jim Henson.
• “Pororo” – A curious penguin and his adorable animal friends don’t always agree, but they learn to solve problems, make choices, and help each other when it matters.
• “The Baby Triplets”/ “Las Tres Mellizas Bebés” – Spain’s famous mischievous Baby Triplets combine play with language skills and social development.
• “Bruno & the Banana Bunch”/”Bruno y los Banana Amigos” – A fun-loving monkey’s games and stories teach numbers, colors, shapes, and life lessons.
• “Boowa & Kwala” – A lively dog and a feisty koala bear mix musical antics with gentle humor and a fondness for learning.
4 nabbed in ‘tremendous’ bank fraud
Four Brooklyn men, including a lawyer and a financial advisor, have been arrested on bank-fraud charges for allegedly claiming falsely that their ATM cards were used without their permission and then getting reimbursed by the bank.
The four were charged with stealing $422,000 over five years, by telling various banks that their ATM cards had been lost or stolen, after they emptied their accounts with the same ATM cards, Brooklyn District Attorney Charles Hynes announced.
“These defendants corrupted a law created to help fraud victims and used it to facilitate a tremendous fraud,” said Hynes.
The indictment charges that the Eric Manganelli, 36; Lam Dang, 37; John Tluczek, 37; and Marzena Tluczek, 35; made false claims to more than 20 banks that unauthorized transactions were made on their accounts, totaling more than $700,000. The defendants then demanded reimbursement from the banks, which paid them more than $422,000, according to the indictment.
Prosecutors say the men opened accounts and padded them with large deposits, over the course of several months. Later, the indictment charges, they drained the accounts, with withdrawals of $500 to $1,000 per day. Once the accounts were empty, the defendants would contact the bank and say their ATM cards had been stolen or lost and that the withdrawals were unauthorized, the DA said. After the banks reimbursed the “stolen” money, the defendants would close the accounts, according to the indictment.
Occasionally, large purchases were made, instead of withdrawals, but in those cases too, the cards were later reported stolen, Hynes said.
In most cases, surveillance photos show the withdrawals made by people dressed in pants, jackets, and motorcycle helmets – even in the middle of the day in July – but in other cases the faces of the people taking out the cash were obscured in other ways, such as in hoods or covered by masks.
The banking law the defendants are charged with exploiting, known as Regulation E of the Federal Electronic Funds Transfer Act, requires banks to reimburse fraud victims within 10 days of their reporting the fraud. After the stolen money has been reimbursed, the banks investigate the validity of the claim, but in this case, the defendants withdrew the reimbursed funds before the banks could finish their investigations, prosecutors said.
Manganelli is a lawyer, Marzena and John Tluczek have both worked at various banks, and Dang is currently employed as a financial advisor. All four are charged with using their knowledge of the law and the financial industry to further the fraud.
The investigation is continuing and more arrests are possible, Hynes said.
Clean-up at Coney nets dozens of bottles
To celebrate the signing of the “Bigger Better Bottle Law,” the New York Public Interest Research Group organized a beach clean-up in Coney Island on Friday, July 24, retrieving dozens of discarded bottles from the sand. .
About 40 college students and NYPIRG staffers wore green shirts —“going green”— and picked up soda and water bottles along the boardwalk and on the beach.
Bending and picking up the bottles with his hands, Chris McCall, a second-year student at the Borough of Manhattan Community College said he had been looking forward to this beach clean-up since he first learned about the event in June.
“Not only is this a community service event, we are also raising awareness of the Bigger Better Bottle Law. Very often we think of civic engagement as a very alien concept, removed far from our everyday lives. We don’t realize how easy it is that events like the beach clean-up matters. A few people have asked me since I got here why we are picking up the bottles. I then have the chance to tell them about the new legislation,” McCall said.
The Bigger Better Bottle Law, signed by Gov. David Paterson on April 7, is to add a 5-cent deposit on water bottles, increase the handling fees to 3.5 cents, and return 80 percent of unclaimed deposits to the state’s General Fund. The BBBL is designed to reduce litter by providing financial incentives for recycling, at the same time generating some $115 million for the state.
However, a recent lawsuit filed by Nestle and the International Bottled Water Association has placed the law on hold. The plaintiffs contend that the New York State-specific label requirement is unconstitutional. It is now up to the state legislature and the plaintiffs to come to a compromise in their negotiation.
McCall savors the victory, despite the lawsuit. “This was a seven-year campaign, and we finally won. I know our phone calls and letters made a difference, and I’m just happy that the bill was passed. We all worked really hard on it, and it’s time to celebrate,” McCall said.
The bags of bottles that students and NYPIRG staff picked up showed that the improved recycling law is truly necessary, NYPIRG says. Within five hours, the young people collected some 60 bottles, about half of them water bottles. “The new law will really matter. If it’s true that only a quarter of the bottling market is made up by water bottles, how come we are picking up so many more water bottles than soda bottles?” said Josie Zolkind, the NYPIRG summer project coordinator at the College of Staten Island.
The bottles collected were taken to a redemption center, and the nickels obtained from the soda bottle exchange will be donated to a local homeless shelter, said Jerome Furman, NYPIRG’s project coordinator at Brooklyn College.
About 40 college students and NYPIRG staffers wore green shirts —“going green”— and picked up soda and water bottles along the boardwalk and on the beach.
Bending and picking up the bottles with his hands, Chris McCall, a second-year student at the Borough of Manhattan Community College said he had been looking forward to this beach clean-up since he first learned about the event in June.
“Not only is this a community service event, we are also raising awareness of the Bigger Better Bottle Law. Very often we think of civic engagement as a very alien concept, removed far from our everyday lives. We don’t realize how easy it is that events like the beach clean-up matters. A few people have asked me since I got here why we are picking up the bottles. I then have the chance to tell them about the new legislation,” McCall said.
The Bigger Better Bottle Law, signed by Gov. David Paterson on April 7, is to add a 5-cent deposit on water bottles, increase the handling fees to 3.5 cents, and return 80 percent of unclaimed deposits to the state’s General Fund. The BBBL is designed to reduce litter by providing financial incentives for recycling, at the same time generating some $115 million for the state.
However, a recent lawsuit filed by Nestle and the International Bottled Water Association has placed the law on hold. The plaintiffs contend that the New York State-specific label requirement is unconstitutional. It is now up to the state legislature and the plaintiffs to come to a compromise in their negotiation.
McCall savors the victory, despite the lawsuit. “This was a seven-year campaign, and we finally won. I know our phone calls and letters made a difference, and I’m just happy that the bill was passed. We all worked really hard on it, and it’s time to celebrate,” McCall said.
The bags of bottles that students and NYPIRG staff picked up showed that the improved recycling law is truly necessary, NYPIRG says. Within five hours, the young people collected some 60 bottles, about half of them water bottles. “The new law will really matter. If it’s true that only a quarter of the bottling market is made up by water bottles, how come we are picking up so many more water bottles than soda bottles?” said Josie Zolkind, the NYPIRG summer project coordinator at the College of Staten Island.
The bottles collected were taken to a redemption center, and the nickels obtained from the soda bottle exchange will be donated to a local homeless shelter, said Jerome Furman, NYPIRG’s project coordinator at Brooklyn College.
Bay factoid
Do you know where Dead Horse Bay is?
Did you even know we had such a place?
We do. It’s an inlet just southwest of Floyd Bennett Field, named for its use in the 1850s as a site for making glue and other products from dead horses.
Fittingly, the site has been reclaimed by the natural environment.
Did you even know we had such a place?
We do. It’s an inlet just southwest of Floyd Bennett Field, named for its use in the 1850s as a site for making glue and other products from dead horses.
Fittingly, the site has been reclaimed by the natural environment.
Bay factoid
Do you know where Dead Horse Bay is?
Did you even know we had such a place?
We do. It’s an inlet just southwest of Floyd Bennett Field, named for its use in the 1850s as a site for making glue and other products from dead horses.
Fittingly, the site has been reclaimed by the natural environment.
Did you even know we had such a place?
We do. It’s an inlet just southwest of Floyd Bennett Field, named for its use in the 1850s as a site for making glue and other products from dead horses.
Fittingly, the site has been reclaimed by the natural environment.
Financial Currents
Daily Money Managers help seniors handle their finances
By Joseph S Reisman
JSReisman@TaxHelp1040.com.
Daily money managers – part of an emerging profession in financial management --
Are available to help the elderly with day-to-day financial tasks. These include ensuring that Social Security benefits are received, that there is enough money to buy groceries, pay bills, balance the checkbook, ensure that their money is deposited in their bank accounts, fill out insurance claims and ensure that the claims are paid, organize tax records and other financial paperwork, and even negotiate with creditors on their clients’ behalf. Many spend a lot of time organizing medical records for bills and for insurance.
Of course, this help isn’t limited to the elderly. People of all ages don’t have the time, or the confidence, to handle their money well.
But the service is particularly valuable for seniors, especially if their sons or daughters no longer live near them. Even if they’re in the same community, they are busy with their own lives and finances. There’s an added dimension – if parents start failing in their everyday activities, there’s a lot of emotion. A professional helps both the parents and the children by taking away a lot of the stress.
Some seniors may feel it difficult to acknowledge that they need help in handling their basic financial tasks. They feel that it is the beginning of their loss of independence, just as if they would by giving up driving. Actually, it may be the best way to allow seniors to retain their independence.
For some, this is a much less restrictive alternative to guardianship. If, for example, someone suffered a stroke, and they can’t handle numbers as well as before, the money manager might be ideal. When the person recovers, the money manager is no longer needed.
Most daily money managers charge for their services on an hourly basis, with rates ranging from $25 an hour to as much as $65 an hour.
Many of these professionals also help to make sure their clients get to the doctor when they’re supposed to, and in many cases, they accompany them to the doctor. They arrange for transportation for them, and will even pick them up and take them.
However, a money manager isn’t meant to take the place of an accountant or lawyer. Most daily money managers don’t have power of attorney over their clients, and therefore cannot sign checks.
There is no formal training program, but many are members of the American Association of Daily Money Managers (AADMM). This organization helps its members to improve their professionalism through various educational programs. In addition, all members must abide by a code of ethics.
The whole idea is to help people stay independent longer, not to take away their independence.
If you feel you may need these services, thoroughly check out the daily money manager you’re considering hiring. There is a list of questions on the AADMM website, www.aadmm.com, to assist you in your choice. You can never certify anybody’s honesty, only their competence. So check references.
Questions? Contact
Joseph Reisman
at 2751 Coney Island Avenue
Brooklyn, NY 11235-5004
Tel: 718.332.1040,
Fax: 718.743.2721
JSReisman@TaxHelp1040.com.
By Joseph S Reisman
JSReisman@TaxHelp1040.com.
Daily money managers – part of an emerging profession in financial management --
Are available to help the elderly with day-to-day financial tasks. These include ensuring that Social Security benefits are received, that there is enough money to buy groceries, pay bills, balance the checkbook, ensure that their money is deposited in their bank accounts, fill out insurance claims and ensure that the claims are paid, organize tax records and other financial paperwork, and even negotiate with creditors on their clients’ behalf. Many spend a lot of time organizing medical records for bills and for insurance.
Of course, this help isn’t limited to the elderly. People of all ages don’t have the time, or the confidence, to handle their money well.
But the service is particularly valuable for seniors, especially if their sons or daughters no longer live near them. Even if they’re in the same community, they are busy with their own lives and finances. There’s an added dimension – if parents start failing in their everyday activities, there’s a lot of emotion. A professional helps both the parents and the children by taking away a lot of the stress.
Some seniors may feel it difficult to acknowledge that they need help in handling their basic financial tasks. They feel that it is the beginning of their loss of independence, just as if they would by giving up driving. Actually, it may be the best way to allow seniors to retain their independence.
For some, this is a much less restrictive alternative to guardianship. If, for example, someone suffered a stroke, and they can’t handle numbers as well as before, the money manager might be ideal. When the person recovers, the money manager is no longer needed.
Most daily money managers charge for their services on an hourly basis, with rates ranging from $25 an hour to as much as $65 an hour.
Many of these professionals also help to make sure their clients get to the doctor when they’re supposed to, and in many cases, they accompany them to the doctor. They arrange for transportation for them, and will even pick them up and take them.
However, a money manager isn’t meant to take the place of an accountant or lawyer. Most daily money managers don’t have power of attorney over their clients, and therefore cannot sign checks.
There is no formal training program, but many are members of the American Association of Daily Money Managers (AADMM). This organization helps its members to improve their professionalism through various educational programs. In addition, all members must abide by a code of ethics.
The whole idea is to help people stay independent longer, not to take away their independence.
If you feel you may need these services, thoroughly check out the daily money manager you’re considering hiring. There is a list of questions on the AADMM website, www.aadmm.com, to assist you in your choice. You can never certify anybody’s honesty, only their competence. So check references.
Questions? Contact
Joseph Reisman
at 2751 Coney Island Avenue
Brooklyn, NY 11235-5004
Tel: 718.332.1040,
Fax: 718.743.2721
JSReisman@TaxHelp1040.com.
Twice the Advice
By Jacqueline Donelli and Kerry Donelli
Letter #1
Dear Twins:
I’m a 39-year-old woman who believes to have been fortunate enough to find the love of my life. “Bob” was trapped in a miserable marriage when he and I met. In fact, Bob and his wife stayed in different bedrooms. Bob only stayed in the marriage because he was afraid his wife would be vindictive and wouldn’t allow him to see his kids, though she was just as miserable as he. I suspect she stayed with him mostly because she needed the rent money and any other money he might have to contribute to the household. The point is, while we dated, Bob swore he’d never divorce his wife because he couldn’t stand not being with his children all the time. But I couldn’t take it anymore and I left him. I also immediately started dating someone else. It was then that Bob filed for divorce and separated from his wife. And, surprisingly, it worked out for the better since he was able to spend more quality time with his kids. So here’s the problem: I still want to have a child and Bob absolutely does not. I secretly feel though that I was able to persuade him to finally get a divorce so perhaps if I hang in there long enough he’ll change his mind about having children too. We fight about this constantly and so far he has showed no interest in changing his mind. We both resent this in the other but we’re both devastated when we break up over this fact. The fact is, I want children. I will not change my mind on this fact either. Should I hang in there and pray he changes his mind like he did the divorce? I’m crazy for him and I just can’t live without him.
KERRY says:
Dear Crazy for Him,
I really feel for you and despite having been lucky enough to have found someone you connect with on such a profound level, I don’t envy your position one bit. In fact I feel heartbreaks in general might make the top “three most painful experiences in a life time” list. Fact is you’re almost forty. If you wait much longer you may never be able to bear children. It has been my experience that woman who have waited and missed their chances at having children have been not only despondent but also regretful. It doesn’t help your case either the fact that by the time a man hits his thirties, you pretty much get what you see; there is not going to be a significant amount of personality change. And, for the most part, men are not wishy-washy like women; they actually say what they mean and mean what they say. So I would absolutely take him at face value on this one and trust that he most definitely won’t change his mind. The only small prayer of a chance you might have would depend on YOUR actions and not his. In other words, he needs to be given an ultimatum: if he’s not interested in having a child with you, you will end this relationship and seek out a man whom shares the same desire for children. As it is, Bob is happy as a clam because right now he has his cake and is eating it too. Unless you give him an ultimatum you haven’t a chance. Be brave.
JACQUELINE says:
Dear Crazy,
I agree with Kerry. Look, it’s once, maybe twice in a lifetime that we meet the loves of our lives, and that’s if we’re really lucky. I suppose you could say you are lucky enough to have spent some time rather than no time with this kind of love. (Or is it better to have never eaten chocolate and not know what you are missing?) Whichever the case, here are the facts: You are almost 40 and you still want a baby. And because you are 40, you only have so much time. Also, I can’t help but think that the relationship is doomed over time as you turn to depression and resentment watching Bob experience the joy of raising his children while never having any of your own. I don’t see a choice in the matter but to be strong and leave Bob. You need to find someone who’s on the same page. As for Bob, you can’t control how he will react when you leave him. Maybe (but don’t count on it) he will change his mind and run back in your arms, realizing he would love nothing more then to have children with the love of his life (you are the love of his life too, remember?), or maybe he simply won’t. But if you continue to live on his terms nothing will ever change. Remember, you can live without him. You have for 39 years.
Letter #2
Dear Twins,
My best friend just broke up with a guy that I’ve secretly had a crush on for a long time - and I think he’s kind of interested in me too. But even though my friend broke up with him, she still acts like he belongs to her. (I wouldn’t dare tell her my feelings for him for fear that she might kill me!) She still drives over to his house to see where he is, or calls him to find out what he’s doing, and checks to see if he’s dating anyone, etc., etc. Do you think there’s any chance that I might be able to date this guy, and keep my friendship with my best friend?
Signed,
Split Decision
JACQUELINE says:
Dear Split Decision,
Clearly your best friend is still head over heels over this guy and going after him will surely stifle your relationship with her. How could it not? The questions you need to ask yourself are: How important is she to you?
How important is he? Is this a little schoolgirl crush or do you really dig him? It is very painful to watch someone else date the guy you’re in love with, take it from me, I’ve been there. But what is worse is it is your best friend. If you can stand it,
I would lay low for a while. Wait until your friends love for this guy fizzles, or better yet, that she meets a new guy she really digs. Then make your move.
KERRY says:
Dear Split Decision,
I agree. If you intend on keeping her your best friend then my advice is to stay far away from him. At this point she still has strong feelings for him. The pain of losing him coupled with the idea of you chasing after him will absolutely torment her. And there’s no way she’ll forgive you for it. Should you decide that you’re too madly in love with this guy and you’d rather forfeit the friendship, that’s fine but realize that this will not only crush her but will most definitely damage your friendship with her forever. The best thing you can do is wait it out. When time has past and she appears well over him and is well into another relationship, then and only then, would I pursue him….and with her blessing.
Letter #3
Dear Twins,
I’m a 26-year-old male who recently moved into an apartment. The second I arrived “Sara” brought over a welcoming cake. Sara and I hit it off right away. She is smart, funny and absolutely beautiful. Although, she looks sixteen, Sara is eleven years old. Sara confuses me because she finds little excuses to stop by, like bringing me my paper or asking for help with her homework, for example. Last night, she came over and I was watching TV and she decided to sit right next to me, real close. I could tell, it’s not just me; I know we both immediately felt something. Truth is, I’ve been here 8 months now, and I can’t stop thinking about her. My feelings are growing stronger every time I see her. I am a sensitive person and I know my feelings are all wrong but what do I do about it?
Rob...(bing the cradle)
KERRY says:
Dear Robbing the Cradle
Adults do not have sexual attraction for children. Ones who do are called pedophiles and getting help for these individuals is imminent. Sir, your letter sends chills up my spine. So please, I urge you to read this response carefully because you are not acting like a sensitive person; you are behaving like a monster. And you are one left turn from molesting an innocent child. If you act on your feelings, this child will be ruined for life. And it may take years of therapy trying to right your wrong… if she doesn’t try to kill herself first. Show mercy on that child and get yourself help immediately. Any therapist will help you see that this child is only innocently flirting with you, like little children sometimes do. She has no idea that you take her childish ways seriously and that you intend on acting upon it. She will never enjoy what you are planning to do to her, for you are only fantasizing. Realize too that it is a loose-loose situation because not only will this destroy her but also you will go straight to jail. There IS still time to rectify this, a chance to right this, and some hope to save you if, and only if, you call a professional therapist and make an appointment right away. You do not want to be brandished a child molester.
JACQUELINE says:
Dear Rob,
Jacqueline says: If Kerry hasn’t hit you over your head then I know who will. A therapist. Please don’t take this lightly. I urge you to seek guidance immediately. She has a crush on you like some young children do because she looks up to you. She does not desire you in any way. You, on the other hand, are an adult. Your desires for this child need to be understood by you through the help of a professional. Adults (with the exceptions of a pedophiles) do not have desires for children. And if you act on the “feelings” you are having, you will ruin this child. Please know by seeking professional help, you may enjoy a life with wonderful healthy relationships with other adults but without it, you will surely spend the rest of your life in jail.
Letter #1
Dear Twins:
I’m a 39-year-old woman who believes to have been fortunate enough to find the love of my life. “Bob” was trapped in a miserable marriage when he and I met. In fact, Bob and his wife stayed in different bedrooms. Bob only stayed in the marriage because he was afraid his wife would be vindictive and wouldn’t allow him to see his kids, though she was just as miserable as he. I suspect she stayed with him mostly because she needed the rent money and any other money he might have to contribute to the household. The point is, while we dated, Bob swore he’d never divorce his wife because he couldn’t stand not being with his children all the time. But I couldn’t take it anymore and I left him. I also immediately started dating someone else. It was then that Bob filed for divorce and separated from his wife. And, surprisingly, it worked out for the better since he was able to spend more quality time with his kids. So here’s the problem: I still want to have a child and Bob absolutely does not. I secretly feel though that I was able to persuade him to finally get a divorce so perhaps if I hang in there long enough he’ll change his mind about having children too. We fight about this constantly and so far he has showed no interest in changing his mind. We both resent this in the other but we’re both devastated when we break up over this fact. The fact is, I want children. I will not change my mind on this fact either. Should I hang in there and pray he changes his mind like he did the divorce? I’m crazy for him and I just can’t live without him.
KERRY says:
Dear Crazy for Him,
I really feel for you and despite having been lucky enough to have found someone you connect with on such a profound level, I don’t envy your position one bit. In fact I feel heartbreaks in general might make the top “three most painful experiences in a life time” list. Fact is you’re almost forty. If you wait much longer you may never be able to bear children. It has been my experience that woman who have waited and missed their chances at having children have been not only despondent but also regretful. It doesn’t help your case either the fact that by the time a man hits his thirties, you pretty much get what you see; there is not going to be a significant amount of personality change. And, for the most part, men are not wishy-washy like women; they actually say what they mean and mean what they say. So I would absolutely take him at face value on this one and trust that he most definitely won’t change his mind. The only small prayer of a chance you might have would depend on YOUR actions and not his. In other words, he needs to be given an ultimatum: if he’s not interested in having a child with you, you will end this relationship and seek out a man whom shares the same desire for children. As it is, Bob is happy as a clam because right now he has his cake and is eating it too. Unless you give him an ultimatum you haven’t a chance. Be brave.
JACQUELINE says:
Dear Crazy,
I agree with Kerry. Look, it’s once, maybe twice in a lifetime that we meet the loves of our lives, and that’s if we’re really lucky. I suppose you could say you are lucky enough to have spent some time rather than no time with this kind of love. (Or is it better to have never eaten chocolate and not know what you are missing?) Whichever the case, here are the facts: You are almost 40 and you still want a baby. And because you are 40, you only have so much time. Also, I can’t help but think that the relationship is doomed over time as you turn to depression and resentment watching Bob experience the joy of raising his children while never having any of your own. I don’t see a choice in the matter but to be strong and leave Bob. You need to find someone who’s on the same page. As for Bob, you can’t control how he will react when you leave him. Maybe (but don’t count on it) he will change his mind and run back in your arms, realizing he would love nothing more then to have children with the love of his life (you are the love of his life too, remember?), or maybe he simply won’t. But if you continue to live on his terms nothing will ever change. Remember, you can live without him. You have for 39 years.
Letter #2
Dear Twins,
My best friend just broke up with a guy that I’ve secretly had a crush on for a long time - and I think he’s kind of interested in me too. But even though my friend broke up with him, she still acts like he belongs to her. (I wouldn’t dare tell her my feelings for him for fear that she might kill me!) She still drives over to his house to see where he is, or calls him to find out what he’s doing, and checks to see if he’s dating anyone, etc., etc. Do you think there’s any chance that I might be able to date this guy, and keep my friendship with my best friend?
Signed,
Split Decision
JACQUELINE says:
Dear Split Decision,
Clearly your best friend is still head over heels over this guy and going after him will surely stifle your relationship with her. How could it not? The questions you need to ask yourself are: How important is she to you?
How important is he? Is this a little schoolgirl crush or do you really dig him? It is very painful to watch someone else date the guy you’re in love with, take it from me, I’ve been there. But what is worse is it is your best friend. If you can stand it,
I would lay low for a while. Wait until your friends love for this guy fizzles, or better yet, that she meets a new guy she really digs. Then make your move.
KERRY says:
Dear Split Decision,
I agree. If you intend on keeping her your best friend then my advice is to stay far away from him. At this point she still has strong feelings for him. The pain of losing him coupled with the idea of you chasing after him will absolutely torment her. And there’s no way she’ll forgive you for it. Should you decide that you’re too madly in love with this guy and you’d rather forfeit the friendship, that’s fine but realize that this will not only crush her but will most definitely damage your friendship with her forever. The best thing you can do is wait it out. When time has past and she appears well over him and is well into another relationship, then and only then, would I pursue him….and with her blessing.
Letter #3
Dear Twins,
I’m a 26-year-old male who recently moved into an apartment. The second I arrived “Sara” brought over a welcoming cake. Sara and I hit it off right away. She is smart, funny and absolutely beautiful. Although, she looks sixteen, Sara is eleven years old. Sara confuses me because she finds little excuses to stop by, like bringing me my paper or asking for help with her homework, for example. Last night, she came over and I was watching TV and she decided to sit right next to me, real close. I could tell, it’s not just me; I know we both immediately felt something. Truth is, I’ve been here 8 months now, and I can’t stop thinking about her. My feelings are growing stronger every time I see her. I am a sensitive person and I know my feelings are all wrong but what do I do about it?
Rob...(bing the cradle)
KERRY says:
Dear Robbing the Cradle
Adults do not have sexual attraction for children. Ones who do are called pedophiles and getting help for these individuals is imminent. Sir, your letter sends chills up my spine. So please, I urge you to read this response carefully because you are not acting like a sensitive person; you are behaving like a monster. And you are one left turn from molesting an innocent child. If you act on your feelings, this child will be ruined for life. And it may take years of therapy trying to right your wrong… if she doesn’t try to kill herself first. Show mercy on that child and get yourself help immediately. Any therapist will help you see that this child is only innocently flirting with you, like little children sometimes do. She has no idea that you take her childish ways seriously and that you intend on acting upon it. She will never enjoy what you are planning to do to her, for you are only fantasizing. Realize too that it is a loose-loose situation because not only will this destroy her but also you will go straight to jail. There IS still time to rectify this, a chance to right this, and some hope to save you if, and only if, you call a professional therapist and make an appointment right away. You do not want to be brandished a child molester.
JACQUELINE says:
Dear Rob,
Jacqueline says: If Kerry hasn’t hit you over your head then I know who will. A therapist. Please don’t take this lightly. I urge you to seek guidance immediately. She has a crush on you like some young children do because she looks up to you. She does not desire you in any way. You, on the other hand, are an adult. Your desires for this child need to be understood by you through the help of a professional. Adults (with the exceptions of a pedophiles) do not have desires for children. And if you act on the “feelings” you are having, you will ruin this child. Please know by seeking professional help, you may enjoy a life with wonderful healthy relationships with other adults but without it, you will surely spend the rest of your life in jail.
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